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Tuesday, August 28, 2012

An Epic Personal Ramble to Disguise My Lack of a Post for Today

(We're okay, gang, never fear...well, as "okay" as we ever get anyway. We love you, and thank you for all the comments and personal emails! You blew us away more than the storm!)

Actually, the following post may be mildly offensive,
slightly irregular,
a departure from the norm,
incompatible with your present medication,
and not safe for pets.
Please consult your physician.
Barbie not included.
 There are times when you just need a day off.
You're tired.
You're cranky.
Your To Do List is a mile long.
70 mile and hour winds derailed your projects.
The only thing you accomplished all weekend was committing a neatness.
(That's "cleaning" for all you normal people.)
You parked on the couch watching chick flicks like
Blade and The Expendables.
Sure, you have a few emergency posts in the hopper.
But those would require energy, wouldn't they?
Right now, I'm still psyching myself up to dry my hair.
 Savannah's 18th birthday is next weekend, and I'm immersed in planning that.
I've yet to get her to commit to a theme, and I swear to you here and now,
if I don't have an answer later today,
I'm going with this.
 I've tried to express my frustration with her avoidance in a subtle manner,
but it's time to get medieval.
(This must be that "feminine protection" I've heard so much about.)
As far as gifts, Savannah's incredibly easy to buy for.
She was never fond of dolls, which she made abundantly clear in subtle ways.
I suspect she just didn't relate to icons with a mid-section comparable to a 13" waist.
Maybe if they'd been realistic...
I sure would have been more comfortable playing with this.
It seems someone else felt like that,
and I had a blast wallowing in her wares.
Whether you adored Barbie as a role model or dismissed her as fluff with
your feminist heart, I'd like to make you familiar with the works of
 Designer Margaux Lange!
What has she done, exactly?
 Well, she's created high heels I could probably actually wear.
The next time you're doing a project and wish you had an extra hand,
there's your solution.
 Or have you ever wished for a friendly, non-judgmental ear?
Send this to college with your kid and you can always keep an eye on your daughter.
 I have 2 sons, a husband, and my best friends are all men.
There's no way in hell I'm touching this one.
 Insert male brain joke here at your own risk.
 Ever needed a friendly smile?
 Do you feel like this is essentially representative of your mother?
 I majored in psychology,
and I'm not touching this with a ten foot hack saw.
 The heck with traditional paper...
here's a first anniversary gift I could get behind.
Or how about a giant one as a cake topper, eh?
Michelle, I can hear you writing this down!!!
 You could spend your time in solitude with an understanding hand to hold...
 ...or just slap on an instant party!
Looks like they all love the cheese dip!

 But if you've been here before,
and I really hope you have,
because I'd HATE to think this is our first impression...
 ...then you know that my geeky...
 ...seafood loving...
...marching to her own beat...
 ...17 year old college sophomore...
...tool chick daughter would rather have...
So would I.
Stay tuned for three flurried days of planning,
and making as we put together a gonzo get together 
for an eclectic crew I know entirely too well.
This will NOT be your average internet blog birthday!


Michelle L. said...

Epic, my darling! Glad that stupid hurricane is not damping your sense of humor. I have loved that Barbie jewelry line for years! And the cement block is so pretty!!!

Dharma said...

I think cement bricks and Hello Kitty could work as a theme....imagine all the kitties you could squish with the blocks? LOLOLOL Those Barbie jewels squicked me out!

Danni@SiloHillFarm said...

I'm still cracking up over the "committing a neatness" and the "feminine protection" lines!! I know you are proud of your female minion....who wouldn't be?! I can't wait to see what your party posts are! I may not sleep! (And I thought I was brave and bold posting about alcohol today!!!) This is a truly epic read! Thank you ! And I'm glad you're all know!

Janelle said...

So I guess there will be no pink fluffy dresses in your daughter's 18th birthday huh? :) One of the biggest regrets of my life (and I am serious about this one) was my 18th birthday party... it's kind of a big thing in our country, and I asked for one because all of my friends threw one and darn it I wore a pink fluffy gown and I cringe everytime I look at the photos. I'm sure your daughter's party will rock!

Just read about the typhoon and glad to know your family is safe... and then I suddenly remembered your flowers, because I always love looking at your What's blooming posts. Hope you get them blooming again :)