I'm Coming Out of the Closet

Ha, made you look!

Today on Life in Rehab: A Blog Under Siege,

 we're going to give the closets what all closets secretly long for:

GUTS.

I'm sorry, I'll stop screwing with the fonts now.

We decided to use these kits for the master bedroom

and the Florida room, which you weird people in Northern 

climates like to call a den.

Why?

The usual reason:

they were stupid cheap.
Yes, the photo is upside down.
Yes, the box was upside down.
Yes, I'm that flippin' lazy.

The first thing my intrepid partner in crime, Mark, did 

was unpack and lay everything out.

He then measured off the closet...

...and drew level lines.

If he'd pose for a photo or two for blogging purposes,

it wouldn't look so much like he's peeing in a corner.

The shelving was then taken outside...

...and cut to the lengths we'd decided on.

Here's where it gets fun.

This is where it gets fun, Besties.

No fear.

Holes were drilled for supports either into the drywall

or into studs.

We know where the studs are because, you know, we put them there.

If there was no stud, an anchor was used, then the supports were screwed in.

 The shelves were snapped into them.

 Front supports were added to stabilize and give the configuration strength.

And we now have a closet with tons of storage.

Which is good, because my Mother's wardrobe tops the Kardashians.

No lie.

You know how Vannah White has never worn the same outfit twice?

Meet her doppelganger.

There are three closets in this house.

I'm praying that's enough

We Hear You Have a Crack Problem

Seriously, it's time to admit it.
We heard.

You can tell me.

 I'm only here to help, and we'll solve this together.

 The first step is admitting it.

 You have a crack problem.

Oh, GROSS, no!

Not that kind of crack!!!

THIS kind!

Have you ever tackled a project, and found gaps where

it should be seamless?

Trust me, the pros get that.

As Mark likes to say,

"Putty, caulk, and paint make it what it ain't."

Not the greatest grammar, but it's still a nifty trick,

and it's a beginner's level one.

 So first, find yourself a nasty crack or gap.

 You'll need a caulk gun and caulk.

My personal choice is by DAP.

 This caulk is dry and paintable in 30 minutes flat, and we all

know I'm just not good at waiting around.

 First, load the caulk into the gun thusly.

 Make sure the top of the tube is in the collar.

 Squeeze (pump, really) the trigger until the plunger is

at the bottom of the tube.

 You can be badass and pull out your standard issue construction razor knife

to slice off the tip of the caulk tube...

...or, yanno, just use scissors.

Whatever works.

 Now this is very important.
This little silver level is a brake.
When you're done running a line of caulk, hit the brake.

If you neglect to do this, you will end up with something that
tradesmen call in technical terms "bad."
Don't do this.

Now, find yourself a gap.
An ugly gap, perhaps created when you tacked up some trim or molding.

Point the muzzle of your gun at the enemy and shoot!

Run a bead of caulk down that crack, hit the brakes, and STOP.
Don't worry about clumps, we'll handle them in a minute.
(All clumps and imperfections are purposely done to demonstrate.)
(Yeah right.)

Run your finger down the bead to smooth it.
No, I don't care which finger.
Just make sure it's attached to your body.

Anything excess...

...wipe off with a damp paper towel.
Perfection!

What about big, wide, ugly cracks?

Same technique, just a little more of a schmear.

Now you see it,
now you have pro results!

And remember, Besties, you are 100% washable!

This kinda screws my shot as a gig in hand modeling, huh?

Where Are We?

 I'm testing the limits of my claustrophobia and fear of heights painting

and patching closets with

12 foot high ceilings.

What maniacal 1970's architect thought that was a good use of space???

But while dizzying, tight spaces is my thing, Mark on the other hand...

 ...is in the great outdoors digging round holes.

Why, you eagerly ask before hopping over to a blog with a project you

could actually accomplish today instead of reading

our insane construction exploits???

Those big cardboard tubes on the left are concrete forms.

Mark has them level in the ground to determine how high they need to be.

 At which point, The Shirtless Wonder

(can't do a thing about it, Girls, he doesn't listen to me

about blog etiquette)...

 ...marks and saws them to size.

In his defense, it's 91 degrees today in the tropical sun.

 While all that was happening, the closet's done

 These are then firmly wiggled into place and leveled.

The boxes got a little bed of broken concrete as filler.

 Basically, we're ready for the foundation inspection today.

 The leftover concrete chunks will get recycled in the backyard

as garden border.

 You can see how precise Mark's jackhammer surgery was.

 So while the ducks enjoy the delicious insects disturbed

by all this incessant activity...

...The Redhead and her Zebra Print Wayfarers have something

far more entertaining to tackle!