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Thursday, January 6, 2011

Mess of Felines: The Rehab Catmas Roundup

A lot of the comments we got throughout this series were concerning the cats themselves. 
Our Feline Overlords were great sports about this collection,
and the bleeding has even stopped now. I do have use of my right pinkie back.
And my favorite moccasins seem to have washed out just fine. Most of the scars will fade in time.
But did you wonder about the personalities of this Dirty Dozen?
Wells. Mildly aloof, coquettish and flirtatious, this feisty little feline is tiny but unignorable. Unless you are personally able to overlook a cat attached firmly to your face. Her favorite activity is glaring.
Yuui. The big dumb lug of the clowder. He gives blondes a bad name. His hobbies include running into walls and licking himself. He generally has no idea what's going on.
Hugs. The sheer volume of this cat dictates that most of his free time is spent stationary. He has the mass of something that commands its own gravitational pull. The children will be attending sub-par colleges just so we can afford his nasty dry cat food.
Boo. The undisputed prima donna of the group who actually has a seat at the dinner table next to Savannah.
No other cat is allowed this absurdity. And she knows it. And she lords it over them smugly.
Molester. The only cat on the registered sex offender's list. I have to map out special routes
that avoid schools to get her to the vet. Her likes include warm, unsuspecting visitors.
Blackberry. That look speaks volumes. This cat has a temper rivaled only by Naomi Campbell's. Scritching sessions often end with me breaking out the band-aids. Her favorite pastime is exsanguination.
Fai. Lean and solid, this cat is an emotional mess and severely needy, but doesn't want to bother you with it. He spreads guilt on a professional level. He enjoys staring at you longingly and then bolting the second you try to pick him up. Holding him is like eel wrestling.
Smidgen. An adoring lap cat who will warm up to anyone, she suffers from terminal cuteness and the embarrassment that Molester is her mother. There are over-compensation issues at work here. Her hobbies include posing and eating my plants.
Arthur. Weirdly rotund in the mid-section, this little firecracker works at being adorable and noticed, and also wants you to know that despite the name and neutering, she's a FEMALE. She's an avid prancer and she also enjoys skittering and mincing.
Emo Kitteh. Brooding and slightly snarky, this cat likes petulant poetry, long walks in solitude, and the taste of things found under the sofa. Despite his appearance, he prefers snuggles on the couch to jam sessions with My Chemical Romance.
Phat Stuff. 8 pounds of pure lightening fast energy, her immediate goal is to wipe out entire species of lizards, always bringing the proof of her diligence inside. She prefers to leave them in the shower or my shoe.
Either is a delightful discovery.

Jack the Pumpkin King. He'll whine and beg for a petting, but then react with appalled shock when you make actual physical contact. He is the master of his domain and he gripes about the lack of respect he gets constantly.
Around here, I often feel like staff.
What kind of freakish little personality bundles do you serve the every need of?


Star @ A Load Of Craft said...

Oh my heck you have a ton-o-cats! Poor Smidgen. I can't imagine the embarrassment ;) You are so friggin funny! Our poor dog has been forgotton since our two babies were born and took over the place :(

I hope you'll come over and join my new one-time, year long link party featuring your most popular post! Thanks girl.

Dharma said...

I am laughing so hard I cannot respond with anything witty ;) 12 cats? 12? I had thought the 12 Days of Catmas had duplicate cats.... I stand corrected.

I'm buying you a T-shirt that says STAFF for Mother's Day.

Jane @ The Borrowed Abode said...

Dear Sunny, You do realize that you're officially the Crazy Cat Lady, right? :) We wouldn't want you any other way, though.

My first cat was named Blossom. Because I was sure *he* was a *she.* Oops. He was perpetually pissed about that misunderstanding. . . and demonstrated with. . . well, literally pissing. Le sigh. But I loved that cranky bastard. He also apparently was confused by his name, as he preferred to act as mother to orphaned kittens.

Life in Rehab said...

I do indeed realize that I have so many cats I should be single and wearing a hat made of aluminum foil.

Erin said...

OHHH, too funny and then to scroll down and read your reply, OOOOOH even funnier!!! I am cracking up, too funny!

Heather said...

Oh, I love your descriptions of the cats' personalities! We have two in residence and luckily they only leave animal gifts at the front door instead of shoes or showers. (Sometimes if they're feeling extra frisky, they'll eat the "gifts" and then regurgitate them for us on the doormat.

We also have 4 canines in residence: Rhino, a chihuahua who is our main security guard, Daisy, a Pomeranian whose main goal in life is to eat everything in sight and then try to stick her tongue in your mouth; Coco, a shepherd mix who loves the taste of shoes and aluminum cans, and Blue, a pit bull with separation anxiety and an inferiority complex.

Minor cast members include two rats, a turtle, and a tarantula named Rosie.

The humans are just hired help.

Love your blog!

Anniegi said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really needed a good laugh. Anyone who has cats knows
they ARE staff and they better know their role or else be afraid!

allison @ said...

Sunny - I have said it before, and I'll say it again - YOU MAKE MY DAY! I too, thought you were repeating cats for the 12 days of Catmas, but am in awe that you are actually the proud CatMom to 12 VERY intriguing cats. I love all of their names and am rolling on the floor with laughter to learn such details of this bunch!

My poor dog Sir Teddance of Lickalot (Ted for short) who doesn't get the attention he used to deserves his own post as well and I think you've inspired me to share about my pooches!


Unknown said...

Bahahaha! I love reading about the personalities of all your cats. :) Isn't it great how each one is so different from all the other? I love pets' personalities!

And of course I love that Santa hat, and that you forced each one of your felines to wear it. I'm amazed you weren't rushed to the hospital, actually. :)


Michelle L. said...

Favorite line: "she also enjoys skittering and mincing." Although I would be completely allergic to your entire house, I am safely across the country and LOVE each and every one of your kittehs!

Susan Anderson said...

What a fun post this is!


RNSANE said...

They cannot possibly be cheaper by the dozen. You must exist on beans and little else. They are quite beautiful, though, and I assume you get lots of love and purries from these kitties!

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

What a fun M post!

That's quite a cast of characters, I'll bet you are never bored...

H said...

You describe them all so brilliantly! What a bunch of personalities!

Heather{Our Life In a Click} said...

Hilarious!! What a great bunch of felines you have (not to mention beautiful!). The only freakish personalities that I serve are the three humans you routinely get enough of on my blog. Two of them are pushing hard for a feline and I'm on their side!!!

Life in Rehab said...

Heather, I'll send you one as an email attachment if you like!

Christy Beans said...

I always laugh when "those people" say that "cats have no personality" and therefore they prefer dogs. Anyone who knows a cat could reveal to them the unfortunate reality that, in fact, the cat just found them sadly lacking and not in possession of redeeming qualities (such as, say, an open can of tuna) and chose to ignore their existence on a permanent basis. The rest of us are ignored only on a semi-permanent basis. =)

LOVE your blog! Keep the crazy coming! =D

Mary said...

LOVE these should write a book! It's been several years since we've had cats but I can so relate. We were constantly gifted with amphibians. Love Jack's personality :-)

Judie said...

My daughter takes care of 60 cats. She runs a non-profit for cats with FIV. Does anyone want a cat??

JDaniel4's Mom said...

They looks so cute in their hats.

tina said...

Torties are good at giving death glares..

lisbonlioness said...

I'm overwhelmed by sheer gorgeousness. But you have... how many?
Geez, I thought my life was ruined by 4!
@ Judie, I swear if I could, I would. Bless your daughter, it must be a daunting task, yet so rewarding. Amazing.
Sunny, I somehow thought you haz, like, 5 kittehs? I iz stoopid. Hey, hey, hey.
I'm so glad none of those feline buggers were injured in that little camp fire that sort of messed up your interior design! My worst nightmare (and yeah, I actually DO dream that trash) is that my furry babies somehow get injured or even killed in random household accidents.
How the heck do you cope?
'scuse me, back to counting felines.
This is one happy blog!

Teresa said...

This is so hilarious! I am thinking I need to find a hat like that to torture a couple of my cats. Tell Arthur, she's not the only one--my mom had a mother cat named Arthur when she was growing up.

mousee23 said...

I can never read your posts with out snorting and giggling.Fur babies are family

Theresa Plas said...

So funny! Great descriptions!

mub said...

This post makes me miss my kitty!

I love the "Her favorite pastime is exsanguination." Sounds like my tortie too *L*

TracyMB @ Crows Feet Chic said...

Oh my gosh you're hilarious. No shortage of models when you've got 12! My fav' pic is of Jack but I'm still laughing about 'wrestling and eel'! :)

Jenny said...

I love reading about your 'entourage' here. The top picture started this post out just right, and it got funnier and more interesting from there.

What an aMazing stop on our little journey through Alphabe-Thursday.

Girl, you can really tell a story.

Thanks for linking.


Bonnie said...

You are too funny! I don't think a lot of people realize how much personality cats have!

Unknown said...

OMGoodness I loved this post!!!! Your kitties are SO cute. I tried to have my Goldens wear those lil Christmas hats. They wanted non of it : )

Melanie {The Tiny Tudor} said...

Cute post, cute cats! Our cats got the same little santa hat and collar last Christmas. They were thrilled, just thrilled. You just can't tell from our cat family Christmas card portrait that we (forced them to) pose for, but they loved it- really.

Christine said...

This was a hilarious post--I laughed a lot!

Five Seconds From Crazy said...

Boo. Wow. Way to control the humans!

Seriously I literally LOLed all of this!

AllieMakes! said...

That's a lot of kittys! I can't believe they will be dressed! Too funny!
Thanks for linking up to Making It With Allie! I can't wait to see what you have for next week!

Unknown said...

Found your blog via The Shabby Nest. What a hoot! Please spread the laughter and link up to my new blog bash K.I.S.S. Happy to be your latest and greatest follower.

Unknown said...

Ahahahahaha! I laughed from start to finish and just when I thought it couldn't get funnier, it did!
"Unless you are personally able to overlook a cat attached firmly to your face." Hahaha! Molester? Oh, poor Smidgen. The names are great and quite fitting of their little personalities! Emo Kitteh. Oh gosh. I'll be quiet. I could write a novel with the things you said that made me crack up.

Unknown said...

I am impressed that cats keep the hat on...I didn;t think cats did that!