Mess of Felines: The Rehab Catmas Roundup

A lot of the comments we got throughout this series were concerning the cats themselves. 

Our Feline Overlords were great sports about this collection,

and the bleeding has even stopped now. I do have use of my right pinkie back.

And my favorite moccasins seem to have washed out just fine. Most of the scars will fade in time.
But did you wonder about the personalities of this Dirty Dozen?

 

Wells. Mildly aloof, coquettish and flirtatious, this feisty little feline is tiny but unignorable. Unless you are personally able to overlook a cat attached firmly to your face. Her favorite activity is glaring.

 

Yuui. The big dumb lug of the clowder. He gives blondes a bad name. His hobbies include running into walls and licking himself. He generally has no idea what's going on.

 

Hugs. The sheer volume of this cat dictates that most of his free time is spent stationary. He has the mass of something that commands its own gravitational pull. The children will be attending sub-par colleges just so we can afford his nasty dry cat food.

 

Boo. The undisputed prima donna of the group who actually has a seat at the dinner table next to Savannah.
No other cat is allowed this absurdity. And she knows it. And she lords it over them smugly.

 

Molester. The only cat on the registered sex offender's list. I have to map out special routes
that avoid schools to get her to the vet. Her likes include warm, unsuspecting visitors.

 

Blackberry. That look speaks volumes. This cat has a temper rivaled only by Naomi Campbell's. Scritching sessions often end with me breaking out the band-aids. Her favorite pastime is exsanguination.

 

Fai. Lean and solid, this cat is an emotional mess and severely needy, but doesn't want to bother you with it. He spreads guilt on a professional level. He enjoys staring at you longingly and then bolting the second you try to pick him up. Holding him is like eel wrestling.

 

Smidgen. An adoring lap cat who will warm up to anyone, she suffers from terminal cuteness and the embarrassment that Molester is her mother. There are over-compensation issues at work here. Her hobbies include posing and eating my plants.

 

Arthur. Weirdly rotund in the mid-section, this little firecracker works at being adorable and noticed, and also wants you to know that despite the name and neutering, she's a FEMALE. She's an avid prancer and she also enjoys skittering and mincing.

 

Emo Kitteh. Brooding and slightly snarky, this cat likes petulant poetry, long walks in solitude, and the taste of things found under the sofa. Despite his appearance, he prefers snuggles on the couch to jam sessions with My Chemical Romance.

 

Phat Stuff. 8 pounds of pure lightening fast energy, her immediate goal is to wipe out entire species of lizards, always bringing the proof of her diligence inside. She prefers to leave them in the shower or my shoe.
Either is a delightful discovery.

Jack the Pumpkin King. He'll whine and beg for a petting, but then react with appalled shock when you make actual physical contact. He is the master of his domain and he gripes about the lack of respect he gets constantly.

Around here, I often feel like staff.
What kind of freakish little personality bundles do you serve the every need of?