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Friday, September 10, 2010

Bad Assistance

Every couple of weeks, we go on cobweb patrol. Older home, high ceilings, and year round bugs add up to quite a few encampments in the corners, and with 11 rooms, it takes a while to spot them all.
Unless you have help.
Have you met Phat Stuff, our most rambunctious resident?
"Do you sees it, Hoomin?"
"Yes, yes, up there!"
"A deleeshus leezard poaching in the spider webs."
"Oh, and I can't BELIEVE you is showing blogworld that we still have soot in places. I am embarrassed for you, k?"
"I would graciously offers to help you eliminate leezard, but I am small kitteh."
 Cue the epiphany.
This seemed like a good idea, I swear...
"Yes, yes, hoomin, closer! CLOSER!"
When Sam plopped her down after merely a tease, she enlisted Fai as a look-out and her plot was hatched.

What happened next was not documented in photos for reasons that will become obvious.

We saw her wiggle and spring, and she lunged herself onto a particularly jutting section of upper mirror frame. Said mirror went swinging wildly, knocking over buffet lamps amidst screaming, cursing, and a flying camera, while the cat hung on for dear life, howling. Savannah and Sam took Phatness into immediate custody while I flung myself against the mirror just in time.

The lizard was then escorted from the premises unharmed.
The same cannot be said for the spider.
I hate spiders.

16 comments:

ourlifeinaclick.blogspot.com said...

The cloche wasn't harmed was it? I can't imagine having lizards in the house..that's pretty cool(?). We always marvel at them in Florida. I hate spiders and most bugs too.

Jane @ The Borrowed Abode said...

Funny. As usual. Um...someday you must share how you actually live with 10 cats in your house. You must have a million litter boxes.

I am terrified of spiders, but try not to kill them. . . unless they are super large and scary. I'm working on my tolerane - there is one in the corner of my basement tool room, and I've left him there because he traps the cave crickets, which are WAY creepier. Do you have them?

Life in Rehab said...

Heather, believe it or not, NOTHING was damaged! And lizards in the house are just a way of life in South Florida. At least they eat bugs.

Jane, CAVE CRICKETS?!?!?? We don't have them, and I'm seriously glad just from the sound of it!!!

We actually have 20 cats. You're the first person I've said that to. Ollie and Little Guy were recently abandoned, so they won't let us near them yet, but they will come in for food. Everyone else is full on family, neutered, with shots and collars. It gets a little crazy around here sometimes, sure, and we have adopted some out, but taking them to the Humane Society just isn't an option. Pass the Meow Mix.

Brandy said...

We have skink lizards (sp?) in TN. Those black ones with the blue stripe on the back. Hate, hate, hate them. They freak me out. They are everywhere, a few times we've had cats kill them and bring them in the house. Eeeek! I can't get used to seeing them dart up the brick walls when I'm in the back yard. And I guess b/c of all the rain we've had snake issues this year too. Including a copperhead on the welcome mat in the garage while the hubs was out of town!!! I'm just not a wildlife girl!!!

Life in Rehab said...

Brandy, aren't those little homage offers just charming? Just a little kitty love right there on the floor to start your day. The copperhead, however, is really creepy.

--strings and things-- said...

ROFL!!!! Its good to start the day off by reading something funny :) Ok, maybe not so funny to the cat, and obviously not so funny to you when it happened, but it was to me! My cat is too fat and lazy to do something like this, thank God.

My inlaws cat (when she was a lot lighter) jumped from their kitchen counter to the TOP of the vertical blinds.. the part that sticks out and covers the tops.... I don't know if it ended well for the blinds

Sherri B. said...

I could picture the entire thing...everything starts out funny but with cats can turn serious in a real hurry...Love the mirror thankfully it was saved!

Heather@myeverydaygraces said...

I wish I had that kind of focus.

Chelsea said...

Hehehe, hilarious! So glad your decor (and the cat and lizard, of course) weren't harmed in the making of this post. :)

~Chelsea

Michelle L. said...

All too funny, and all the commenters are getting in on the act. So happy the lizard survived. My first thought as I read this was, "She cleans corner cobwebs twice a month???" I just shake my head and sigh...maybe once a year en mi casa. My second was to google cave crickets. Yeeuchhh! I am also so impressed you can fit so many kittens into your life - that is love.

Life in Rehab said...

You guys should see the ceremonial "Opening of the Cans by the Thumbed Red Woomin on Caturday."

Paula said...

Just found your blog and enjoyed reading this. Being a cat-woman, well a German too ;-) moving to Florida pretty soon, I trulöy felt charmed and connected, obviously not to the spider part here too. I am already all excited about my move and marriage and surely pass by more often. Hugs across the pond.

Megan said...

Love the commentary from the kitty...cute cats, too!

lisbonlioness said...

Minus the lizard, this could be our house. Cats plus bug equal mayhem! Hate spiders, too. Yuck.

Jane @ The Borrowed Abode said...

Get outta town. 20? You're a braver soul than I. But I'm impressed that they're spayed and neutered - that's the most important thing!! I get it, though, that you'd rather let the abandoned ones stay than dump them at the shelter. They're definitely happier than if they were stuck in a cage hoping for an adoption!

Jane @ The Borrowed Abode said...

PS: Yeah, cave crickets. When frightened or startled, they jump AT you. Google them, they are terrifying looking. Ew.