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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Bad Assistance

I've gotten emails from time to time asking how I manage to get anything done with a full time job. The answer is simple: I have live in help. The Feline Overlords are not merely decorative; they each have a highly specialized role in the running of our household that aids in affording me a sufficient amount of leisure time.
Boo does her best playing live Swiffer on our stunning new floors. Note how the finish was chosen to compliment her coloring. We pay attention to detail.
Cricket is especially vigilant in making sure the top of the bar is pristinely clutter free. She also performs gravity checks at the same time. Usually accompanied by a loud crash.
Fai and Wells take my scatter rugs outside for an occasional mauling shaking. They have not mastered bringing the rugs back in. Nor do I suspect they intend to.
Jack takes the cushions off of the patio chairs to preserve a clean, uncluttered look. They're also very useful for hiding dead lizards. Or mice. Or birds. Or...
Ollie has offered to hose off the grill. He's just waiting until his thumbs evolve.
 Ms. Smidgen has a more supervisory role, therefore she chooses an good vantage point for directing productivity. A field she has no experience in.
Yuui is shedding highly decorative contrasting hairs on the rug. These are fundamental in letting Sammy know what needs to be vacuumed. He also shreds the trunk, but that's really more of a hobby.
Blackberry is in charge of eating my orchids. In fact, she's department head and a creative consultant to the Garden Decimation Team, who think my raised beds are really badly stocked litter boxes.
And here's Arthur stuffing shoes and dirty socks under the couch. Let's see how well those scented candles work now!

She also enjoys leaving small "surprises" in the shoes as just an added free service.

So as you can see, the well-oiled, super organized machine that is Life in Rehab is so uber-efficient that I have tons of time left on the weekends to devote to crafts, cooking, sewing, gardening and repairs after I finish my bon bons and in between bouts of having David Boreanez fan me with peacock feathers shirtless. Now run along. I have to teach the dogs to do dishes. Right now we have a few sanitation issues.


Steph @ This Organized Mess said...

Too funny !!! I LOVE it !! Oh and when you're done please send David to my house YUM !!

Anniegi said...

Feline Overlords! I love it!!! They're beautiful. So if I counted correctly you have 10 overlords. Wow, that must make for a HEFTY kibble bill. And I thought my 2 were eating me out of house & home! As always, thank you for the great start to the day.

Life in Rehab said...

Steph, I SUPPOSE I could share David with you. Begrudgingly.

Annie, we actually have an embarrassing amount of cats. We take in fur babies other people abandon. This makes my vet ecstatic.

Chelsea@ThisFreshFossil said...

Hehehe, too funny! Kudos to you for taking in the unwanted furbabies - I'm a sucker for those little cute faces too, and suspect that we would be building up our employee base at our own home, too, if we weren't allergic. However, so far we've managed to teach the dog to vacuum the house, act as a mobile security system, and to fertilize our lawn. His favorite is vacuuming. :)


Brandy said...

I nearly choked on my coffee, you had me laughing so hard. Macy likes to "ride" the roomba around the house. I didn't realize that she was just honing her supervisory skills :-) Two elderly dogs and a cat are all I can handle at the moment, my hats off to you!!! We used to be foster parents for an animal rescue when we lived in Arkansas, it was wonderful!

Unknown said...

Funny post. I just posted about our dog Colby's recent project to hone his decor skills in our master bedroom. He thought ketchup was a fantastic accent color. I guess our pets just can't help but join in on the decorating fun, right?

I hope that Mr. Boreanaz has some free time soon. Mark Salling keeps dropping my fan and needs training.

Heather said...

Ah, it is all clear to me now. I am so glad to know that you have help...

Michelle said...

Poor me! Only one little chiweenie whose only skill is licking my toes. I must begin the training process immediately. No wonder my kids have to do so much work around here.

Life in Rehab said...

At least he's licking SOMETHING clean, right?

Well, yes, I guess clean is a relative concept here...

Debbiedoos said...

So that's how you do it LOL!~ What cuties for sure...they have a mind of their owns. Thanks for sharing your funny story and your beautiful pets with us at the partay!

the cape on the corner said...

those guys definitely look like they run the show!