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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

It's Scary, and It's in my Living Room

If you have small children or a delicate sensibility, close my site immediately. This is not for the faint of heart.
This THING is in my living room in the corner opposite the front door, in plain site. Please notice the randomly chosen tile that the colorblind former owners mistook for taste. To be fair, it did match the flamingo-pink carpet they put down over the wood floors.
No, I'm not kidding. And they color matched the vertical blinds too. So you now know what our first project was after we got the keys.
The banded details are mere painted plaster, and the stone is the same facade they had covering one wall in the fire room and the front of the house. I have since sledged that crap off, but the fireplace appears to have been done with cement mixed by Superman. I've gotten one stone off. That took a ridiculous amount of time. I'll have grandchildren before I accomplish that.
So I am now taking suggestions. Besides explosives and abandoning the house, what would you do with this fake stone edifice in a Spanish style Deco era beach house?


Marty@A Stroll Thru Life said...

Wow, it is huge. Well, maybe either plaster over it or cover it with beadboard or some other kind of wood. I just don't know. Good luck. Hugs, Marty

Life in Rehab said...

I've been considering the plaster/stucco route, or just painting it and seeing if that helps. Nothing like an 800 pound gorilla in the room, eh?

Chelsea@ThisFreshFossil said...

I know how you feel, lol! We've got a corner faux lava rock fireplace, too. It's sorta in-your-face as soon as you walk in the door. While my Mom and Tom both insist that it's better to leave it be ("..because it's natural looking.."), I have other plans for it (mwahahaha!). :) Easy options: Paint it white, or plaster the cracks and paint it white. I'm thinking of trying both to see, although I prefer the plaster look. Harder more $$ options: Cover it up with something, or rip it all out and redo it. Although it sounds like you're having a bit of trouble with the ripping out part. I'd start at the easiest and cheapest option: paint, or paint and plaster. If you don't like it, then cover it! :) We'll... err, I'll be tackling ours at some point in the future, as well. Keep us updated!


Jane @ The Borrowed Abode said...

OH. My. Lord. WHAT were they thinking??
That is just insane.

I know it would make the room technically smaller, but can you put up a new wall in front of it, leaving the fireplace area cut open, and installing a real mantle on the wall? Kind of like turning it into a corner fireplace?

Even two smaller walls - one on either side of it, covering either corner, and then above the black "mantle" area? That could help hide it, and then you could paint the exposed part white. Or plaster over it.

tina said...

I think building around it would be the best bet

Life in Rehab said...

My husband suggested walling it up like in The Cask of Amontillado, but I reminded him that it IS our only heat source, and he wend back to allowing me to plot.

Jane @ The Borrowed Abode said...

Your ONLY heat source? maybe space heaters would be better! Can you build around it to disguise it without compromising the heat part of it?

Life in Rehab said...

Yep, our only heat source! Keep in mind we're near Miami, so this is not a huge issue. We all have heated mattress pads for the few chilly nights we get, and the fireplace does get used a good bit for nights when we're all piled on the couch.

jen @ homeinthecountry said...

Can you just plaster over it? Or at least just paint it white (like your walls?). That is the biggest chimney ever! :) Which would be rad if you lived in my neck of the woods... I'm sure building fires isn't always a must in FL... :)

Unknown said...

I'd paint it white =) and build a shelf all the way around it and paint it in a bold color.

Suzanne@Meridian Road said...

Honestly? I'd rent one of those power chisel things, and get it out! They're used to take tile off of floors (think small jackhammer), but I'll bet you could chisel around those stones well enough to get them out.

If you really don't want to do that~white paint or build a surround.

That belongs in the "What Were They Thinking?" Hall of Fame.

Wes and Dani said...

Spray paint the crap out of it like V and Co. does in this post:

Or move. J/K

Life in Rehab said...

Suzanne, I considered that, but knowing these freaks that might be load bearing fake stone.

Jen we do use it a good bit, I admit. I'll build a fire the second it hits 65.

Becky, hmmmm, that might not be a bad idea...

Hey, Wes and Dani, thanks for the link!

Heather{Our Life In a Click} said...

I would say paint it white first and then take it from there. You might love it that way.

I love making fires too and if I lived in Florida I'd still want one (like you!)

Cassie Bustamante said...

i am with the group.... paint it! i would paint it either white, or the same color as the wall to make it blend. either way, it will take away the eyesore, and it will blend more rather than sticking out like a faux stone fireplace. ;)

Unknown said...

I'm just at a loss for words. That is ODD. I'm thinking paint, plaster or build around it?

Life in Rehab said...

Okay, one gallon of white coming up! We'll see what it looks like after that.

Erin @ The Little Apartment said...

Sunny... have you seen this?

They made a SLIPCOVER for their fireplace.. serious genious.

Life in Rehab said...

OMG, Erin, you aren't kidding! Thank you for the link!