Save Your Life Dinner...and Frazzled Rambling

Okay, the longest chunks of time I've ever taken off from work were maternity leaves.

 Sammy was the most extensive of those, weighing in at a whopping six weeks before I returned to the yacht club as maitre d'.

Basically, I was that woman who managed a career and kids and EVERYTHING

 else. And yes, I thought stay at home moms had all the time in the world.

Until now.

I have been a SAHM for almost a year, and I have never been more frazzled and rushed.

Between Mom and the Minions, the house, projects, doctors, lawyers, friends and

"slowing down," I'm exhausted.

 We're launching a new series of recycled creations.

I'm covered in paint.

Boo seems to have taken over the pile of pallets.

Why do I have a pile of pallets?

And now you want DINNER?

It's cool, I've got this, with a little help from the interwebs.

If you've seen the following recipes and wondered if they were any good-

why else would I share them with you?

(Look for the new tag Save Your Life if you need recipes that are ridiculously easy.)

 Maggie at Smashed Peas and Carrots shared this recipe with the world, and it's a keeper!

I had Mom out all day shopping, Sam hit the gym after work, and two of the Minions had late college classes.

The house smelled amazing when I came home.

An added plus?

The meat stayed simmering in the crock pot so that as stragglers wandered in,

dinner was ready, hot, and even more tender.

I altered it just a little to make more au jus to freeze for prime rib and roasts later.

Collect the following:

A large, inexpensive beef roast, about 4 pounds.

2 cans of beef stock

2 cans of french onion soup

1 1/2 tablespoons of garlic powder

Whole wheat sub rolls

12 ounces of beer

An 8 ounce package of cheese. I used Sargento grated Swiss and gruyere

Oh, right, and a crock pot

Grab one for yourself.

Coat the crock pot with cooking spray. Pour the broth and soup in the pot.

 Set the roast in the liquid.

 Beer. Yes. Add some of that.

Sprinkle the garlic powder over the roast.

 Set the pot on low, cover, and put your mother's wheelchair in the Kia Soul.

Put her in it too, what the heck. This is going to simmer for about 7 hours,

so hit all the stores you want!

 Come home and help your oldest son construct a jet pack for his Environmental Science Class from soda bottles,

an old back pack, and spray paint.

 Make a couple of laser firing death rays too.

Use gallon milk jugs for those.

Just a suggestion.

 Remove the roast and slice that tender sucker up, returning the meat to 

the au jus for at least another half hour to soak up even more flavor.

 Throw together a salad to accompany the sandwiches.

Remember to save any trimmed seeds to plant in the garden.

Preheat the oven to 350, split the hoagie rolls, and sprinkle them with cheese.

Place them on a lined cookie sheet until the cheese melts,

then place some sliced beef on the rolls.

Serve with the salad and a cup of the au jus for dipping.

Prepare for the compliments.

These. Were. FANTASTIC.

 Now, get the hutch decorated for Easter.

 These little bunnies were a gift for my first Easter in 1961.

 The rest of the display has been joining us year by year since the Minions were born.

Wait! Did we forget dessert?

Be serious.

 For quick and amazing, I blatantly stole gratefully borrowed this Pineapple Angel Food cake that's almost fat free and only 148 calories a serving, plus there's just two ingredients!

Do you already love it?

I was skeptical on taste, but just you wait.

All you need is a box of angel food cake mix and a large can of crushed pineapple packed in juice.

DO NOT drain the pineapple.

Pour them both in a bowl.

 Do the cooking spray thing with a bundt pan.

 Mix. I just used a spatula.

 Scrape it into the cake pan.

Pop it into the 350 degree oven.

Hey, no one told you to turn it off when the rolls were done.

Bake until a fork comes out clean, about 40 minutes.

And yeah, this is what you get.

Fluffy, subtle, sweet, with delicious burst of fruit.

Slow down for a minute and just enjoy...

Okay, enough relaxing!

You promised recycling projects!

Scrub, Redhead, scrub!

Seriously, both recipes met with raves.

The death rays are not lethal.

The wine glass is filled with sparkling grape juice.

And the small wooden bunny band is really 51 years old.

Okay, You Know the Drill

Most of you are familiar with the Famous box of Stuff Mom Can Make Crap Out Of.

 The Minions and the Hubster snag outgoing flotsam and stash it there,

knowing I'll eventually create something from it that borders on genius.

Or, as in this case, borders on useful.

 Florida has been under water restrictions for years due to drought, 

so we hand water.

Sure, we could spend $10 on a watering can.

 But with an old gallon laundry detergent bottle in your possession, why bother?

We used the drill and a 1/8 bit for this quick transformation.

 Wash out the container well, then just drill into the cap.

 Special skills needed?

Don't miss.

 After the cap looks like Lorraine Swiss cheese, fill the bottle with water.

Douse your plants with your new free high tech watering device.

 5 minutes.

And this is just a warm up.

 We have a few more projects coming up that are recycled goodies.

Ready to get trashy with me?

Good.

Hey, don't throw out that milk jug just yet!!!

The Big, Disturbing, Distracting Bunneh Post

Once there was a redhead who drove a 1998 Dodge Durango named Dehlia.

She was shiny and black, a mini van with an attitude and a bitchin' stereo that blasted 

Rob Zombie.

She sported Amazonian tree frog seat covers and matching accessories.

She was a faithful friend who hauled gaggles of kids around and could be packed to the 

luggage rack with home repair supplies.

 She sported THIS window sticker, which underscored the fact that the driver was marginally sane and teetering on the brink of midlife.

Nearly a year ago, at 225,000 miles, Dehlia fell apart.

The mechanic begged our heroine to throw in the sweat rag.

And so she did.

Simultaneously, the family's pick up truck dies of loneliness at nearly identical mileage.

 It was time.

A Toyota Prius and a Kia Soul pulled into the driveway.

Now, both cars are great.

Really.

But the six of us plus a wheelchair fit into NEITHER vehicle.

So today, I'm visiting a 2004 Kia Sedona for the third time to see if we like each other.

I'll be back tomorrow.

In the meantime, here's some gratuitously cute little bunnehs to keep you busy.

If I come back empty-handed, I'll feel kind of like this.

Bunny Pranks

  Most of my real life friends are guys.

It's not that unusual, really.

I like trips to Home Depot. In my canvas flat shoes. To buy power tools.

Savannah is flailing into the world of nail polish without guidance, as I have no clue.

I can repair a ripped stuffed bunny or replace a toilet.

And the last time I was with a gal pal who dropped $65 on a pair of sandals,

I felt my throat close up.

 For every yin, there is a yang.

My husband's friends are mostly women.

He's a teacher, a math geek, and he loves to cook.

I think he likes shoes more than I do

(Okay, he owns a rainbow of Chuck Taylor high tops).

When the holidays roll around, he likes little gifts to tuck in their cubbies,

and that's where I come in.

Me, and the Dollar Tree.

I picked up bunny shaped eggs, small chocolates, and some glitter ornaments.

I already had a huge spool of curling ribbon.

 Pop a couple of little treats in each egg and tape it shut.

With my crew, this is for security reasons.

 We tied the ornaments onto a bunny ear and created a froth of curls.

Minutes later, I had a basket of little mementos for under 50 cents each.

 Tuck the eggs into a sweet little basket with Easter grass.

 Snicker softly.

You just handed this sparkly, pink and lavender beribboned

 mess to your 6'3", 130 pound shaved headed husband to transport.

Skip for me, Honey.

Was this really a project?

Nahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Was it fun to watch him leave the house with a bunny basket grasped in his meaty paw?

What do you think?