A lot of my favorite DIY bloggers are pregnant. I find this amusing because it's such ancient history for me. My children, usually referred to as The Teen Minions or The Love Spawn, are pretty self-sufficient at this point. The oldest even recently told me he's an adult. Yeah right. As I hand him his allowance.
But since the Hubster and I have managed to get them to this point in one piece with no criminal record, I thought I'd share some parental pearls with whomever is bored enough to click and read this.
First, the Top Ten Things You Think You'll Never Do Once The Baby Arrives!
1. The first time your baby sleeps through the night, you WILL wake at some point and in a panic hold a mirror under that squishy little nose.
2. You WILL take the carrier into the bathroom with you for the first couple of days. God only knows what you think will happen to the baby if you leave him alone while you pee.
3. You WILL suddenly find your chic decor over run by bright plastic things that smile back and make noises.
4. You WILL have nothing decorative in your home lower than seven feet. There are two kinds of items in a home with children: things that belong to the baby, and things the baby can't get to.
5. You WILL marvel at the fact that you've been wearing the same pajamas for two weeks. 24 hours a day.
6. You WILL banish the word "spontaneous" from your vocabulary. Spontaneous will now require a ton of planning.
7. You WILL realize how good you look in a ponytail. And you will no longer wonder why so many moms have short hair.
8. You WILL pick someone else's nose.
9. You WILL end up with a diaper full of Cheez Whiz exploding all over your dress two minutes before you are planning to walk out the door no matter what kind of diapers you use or what the manufacturer promises.
10. You WILL be amazed at how in love you are with this tiny person who just took over your life. Because you may think you knew what love was, but this is the most profound, consuming, unbelievable stuff ever.