Happy Birthday, Savannah!

Guess who's 19 today?!?!

 One Savannah Pritchard-Torres, the Littlest Minion!

We went from this tiny dumpling to an amazing young woman.

Born at home, she was 9 pounds and 14 ounces of feisty

little girl who made sure I didn't forget she was in the house,

no matter how distracting her active toddler brothers were.

From the beginning, she and her brothers were inseparable.

They did everything together, slept in a heap, and looked out for each other

with a ferocity that still surprises me.

 The baby grew into a beautiful princess...

 ...we're just trying to figure out what planet she's from.

No, it's not a costume.

When you have me as a mother, childhood can be...unusual.

 [Real tiger and monkey]

 As can family portraits.

(You have your Christmas elves, I have mine.)

 But there were the normal milestones...

...plus some beyond normal accomplishments...

...like having your Associates Degree at 18...

 ...moving into your own place...

...decorating your space in classic style...

...and growing into a stunning woman.

I love you, Kitten, and I'm endlessly proud.

Game of Thoms: A Feast of...Vegetables?

We'll try not to "boar" you today.

Black swan. Unborn puppies. A hundred live doves “baked into a great pie” and prepared to “burst forth in a swirl of white feathers.”

Those are some of the dishes I decided not to attempt for our
 Game of Thrones-themed birthday party.
Puppies? REALLY???

George R.R. Martin’s “Song of Ice and Fire” books are famously long, and roughly half of the word count is devoted to describing what the characters are eating. One wedding feast features an ode to most of its seventy-seven courses; even a rundown of frozen defense outpost’s dwindling supplies is good for a three-page litany about storerooms filled with “potted hare, haunch of deer in honey, pickled cabbage, pickled beets, pickled onions, pickled eggs and pickled herring.”

I'm in a pickle because I refuse to even consider preparing any of this in my kitchen.

Fortunately, we own this book, and the character's from
Martin's fetid imagination were as fond of their
roughage as they were of parting main characters with their heads.
Or animals with their heads.

We've opted not to decapitate the brie.

The simple part of this is...that everything can be simple.
For the most part, rustic can define the platters of tantalizing tome fare.
cheeses, a good artisan bread, olives, spreads, smoked oysters, and antipasto
vegetables should do the trick.

The Birthday Boy wouldn't touch soda if you threatened him,
so some mulled cider with cranberry might be in order.

Presentation is the key, making everything look like a feast when plated.
I'll be using marble pastry boards and wooden cutting boards to serve.

And of course, imaginative names.

Sumptuous presentation with an abundance of goodies...
I hope apples are on sale tomorrow.

Game of Thoms: Beer is Coming

We have our sigil.

We've chosen the cake.

Now it's time to spread the feast!

 None of my children are interested in alcohol

(envy me all you want, fellow parents of teens),

but being theatrically inclined, they all appreciate props.

 What's the one constant in Game of Thrones Libations?

 With that in mind, I've done an interwebs scour and collected a selection of mythical

potables and the labels to distinguish them.

Right click.

Save.

Print.

Slap onto any bottled root beer, cream soda, or lemon-lime beverage

and set them out with appropriate vessels from which

to swill your brew whilst engaging in such lusty endeavors as bragging

and questing!

Because of course, the activity of the day will be role playing games.

Hey, look, they're geeks.

Fill your chalice, raise your goblet, toast the host

and prepare yourself for what this will all accompany!

Tomorrow, we'll be plotting the buffet...

and with the guest of honor being pescetarian, 

we'll be ruling out whole haunch of venison boiled in honey.

Game of Thoms: Sugar is Coming

I'm THAT Mom.

The one that never ordered a cake or had a party catered.

(That includes my wedding.)

I took great pleasure in my Minions telling me what their theme and dream 

confections for a party should be, and delivering.

 I'm no pastry chef, nor do I hold a Wilton Cake Decorating School

Master's degree.

Haven't the foggiest clue what half of the tips in my pastry bag kit are for.

Icing rosettes are one flower I can kill.

So how does a Super Mom face her limitations and still come up with

a cake that gets a wow from the guest of honor and all the friends

in breathless attendance

(who have come to EXPECT me to dazzle them over the years)?

Simple.

Fake it.

Before the interwebs, I'd pour through magazines and craft books

(those are blogs in hardback form)

deciding what elements I could pull off.

Our Easter Cake:

pink lemonade flavor with Starburst Jellybeans and one Peep.

Simple, tasty, nice presentation.

Special equipment required?

Thumbs.

With that in mind, let's meander through the inspiration

for a Game of Thrones finale...

 A fondant White Walker on horseback.

As impressive as this is, I know I'd have the hot glue out doing repairs

at some point, rendering the whole mess inedible and resulting in me

serving cups of Walmart Greek yogurt with a candle.

Lame.

 How much do you love this?

This got some consideration, since I can garnish well,

 but I may save this idea for a fruit side dish.

 Take a little skip through Lannister Land!

This looks a little more like a formal party or a bizarre themed wedding to me.

 Maybe this should be my tactic?

It's all pointy and scary, but so dark, you can't tell what it is!

 A perfect rendition of the Iron Throne cloaked in the blood of your enemies.

Granted, this is a 20th birthday, but come on...

 I honestly think I'd feel guilty cutting into this one!

Yep, this would get a glass case too

Not THIS was under consideration.

I even sketched out templates.

It just wasn't...3D enough.

 Now this is 3D! 

And cool!

And wild!

People would gasp!

Take pictures!

I can't do it!

 Here's a great alternative to the Wiggles cake your Mother-in-law is pushing.

 Meddle ye not with the affairs of dragons, for you are

crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

If I found gummies, maybe, but it seems like a lot of work

for something a college boy will scarf in one bite.

 THIS would be soooooo worth the trouble!

 Werewood Tree in the God's Wood, or the tree of the Old Gods.

Love it.

Saving this for Halloween though.

Renly's crown is fascinating and beautiful.

I can't help but wonder if this is fondant, or a prop.

Again...a lot of trouble to watch a 20 year old see how many 

cupcakes he can stuff in his mouth at once.

 Sigils and swords make a mighty baked good,

And I could probably pull this one off.

It made the top of the short list until I saw...

YES.

Several iced layers of square cake with Hersey's Milk chocolate Bar segments as the stones

and Chocolate Oreos as the turrets.

The drawbridge?

Kit Kats!

I also have a dimensional cake pan that bakes peaks of pine trees.

I'll cut them apart and create a forest, then sift powdered sugar over the whole affair.

...and perhaps a head on a pike or two mounted on the castle wall.

I think we have this portion of the menu set.

Now onto the challenge round:

Tomorrow, we need a royal feast, vegetarian style!