The Hard Hearted Chef: Evil, Wicked Deviled Eggs

My baby sister was here over the holiday weekend.

 Jennifer is a Pamper Chef representative, and she always has the coolest

 gadgets with her, which we use, and I hide in the dishwasher until she leaves.

Hey, I'm no idiot.

One of the things she brought this time was a knife with a

 V-shaped blade.

My Evil, Wicked Deviled Eggs never looked so sinister!

Now, eggs are okay on a low cholesterol diet in moderation.

My recipe amps up the flavor and cuts the fat drastically, so relax a little

and enjoy a treat.

Place 1 dozen eggs in a sauce pan and cover them with cold water.

Bring them to a boil, let them boil for one minute, then turn off the 

heat and let them sit for 10 minutes.

Drain and cover with ice until cool.

Tap the egg lightly all over against a flat surface.

The shells should slide off.

 Score the egg in a zigzag pattern. This is where the knife came in handy.

 Squeeze gently to separate the halves.

 Dump all your hapless yolks in a bowl.

 Set the jagged halves aside in pairs.

 Now for the tasty part...

Sunny's Evil, Wicked Deviled Eggs

12 egg yolks

1 tablespoon prepared horseradish

2 tablespoons stone ground mustard

1 teaspoon roasted garlic steak seasoning

2 tablespoons pickle relish

2 drops of Cholula hot sauce, or your favorite brand

Fat Free Miracle Whip

Whole peppercorns

With a fork, smash the yolks up really, really, really fine.

Mix the first six ingredients until smooth. It should be a little dry.

Dollop in some Miracle Whip a little at a time, mixing thoroughly,

until you have a stiff, yet creamy, bowl of yellow glop.

Take the requisite chef taste.

Zesty, huh?

 Pick a platter and arrange a bed of lettuce on it.

 Take the bottom half of the eggs...

...and nestle those little suckers down in the lettuce.

 Nab a ziplock bag, fold the top down, and spoon the glop in.

 Squish everything down to one corner, twist the bag above it,

 and snip a small bit of corner off.

 Pipe the yolk stuff into the bottom egg halves, heaping it high,

and then set the top half...well, on top.

A good slice of yellow should show in the middle.

 Give each Wicked Egg some peppercorn eyes.

 That is one creepy little treat.

 Take THESE to the next party at Aunt Millicent's.

Let's see how popular her German potato salad is then!

I'm having way too much fun with that silly little knife right now.

The Pampered Chef is fun to wander through just for the heck of it.

I think I found about 8 gadgets I never knew existed that I REALLY had to have!

The Hard Hearted Chef: Company's Coming!

Have I stuck to my low cholesterol diet?

 You bet your irregular heartbeat I have!

 And it hasn't even been a struggle.

Want to see why?

How about a whole menu for for company that will have my cardiologist smiling?

I'd like to strongly suggest a wild rice blend with this meal.

It goes well with both entrees, so prepare your favorite brand while you're at it.

 Big Sam's Beer Can Chicken

2  whole birds, giblet packet and neck removed

2 cans of any reasonably drinkable beer, like Budweiser

Roasted Garlic Seasoning

Canola Oil

4 cups of wood chips

Wash and pat the chickens dry. Rub them down with oil. Take the Roasted Garlic Seasoning

and rub them inside and out liberally.

Pour half of each can of beer over 4 cups of wood chips in a bowl.

Add enough water to cover the chips and let soak for 30 minutes.

Put a healthy pinch of the seasoning rub and put it in each beer can.

Pierce the top of each can a few times with a "church key" can opener.

Slide the can into the open cavity of the bird and set the chicken upright,

legs out in front, and bend the wings up so the tips are secured behind the shoulders,

like he's chillin' at the beach.

He's about to get one heck of a tan!

 Set your grill for indirect heat.

Insert a thermometer in thickest portion of the thigh.

You're going to cook the chicken until the temperature hits 165 F.

Drain the wood chips, putting the liquid in a disposable aluminum pan, under

where the chickens will be on the grill rack.

If you have a charcoal grill, put a handful of wood chips directly on the charcoal.

The birds will take 1 1/2 to 2 hours, so replenish 

with a handful of wood chips every 20 minutes.

If you have a gas grill, put the chips in a foil packet,

 poke a few holes, and place them on the grill.

Set the fowl on the grill in their leisurely stance and close the lid.

 *Obscenely smoky view of beer can*

When the temperature is correct, and the birds are this gorgeous mahogany

color, remove them, still upright, to a foil lined cookie sheet and let them "rest"

for 15 to 20 minutes.

Since they steamed on the inside, they're unbelievably moist,

and the upright cooking drains away most of the fat.

You can use small pineapple juice cans to do cornish hens, and we've used

those monster Foster's cans to cook our Thanksgiving turkey.

Now, next on our menu...

 Shrimp has recently been welcomed back on cholesterol diets with open arms.

One of my favorite ways to prepare it is shrimp scampi,

and after a little research, I came up with a fat free recipe that bakes in the oven!

This was so good, no one guessed it was healthy.

In fact, I got a sidelong glance from my mother and a whispered,

"You shouldn't be eating this."

Sunny's Skinny Scampi

2 pounds of large shrimp, peeled and deveined

1 cup Chardonnay

1/2 cup cream sherry

2 tbsp powdered garlic

1/4 cup of lemon juice

1 medium onion

1 stalk of celery

Canola oil

Italian bread crumbs

Fresh parsley for garnish

Several dollops of this stuff to add a buttery flavor.

Preheat the oven to 450 F.

 Chop the onions and celery very small.

Slather a 9x13 baking dish with cooking spray.

Put all of your ingredients EXCEPT the shrimp in the dish and mix.

 Pop that bad boy in the oven for 15 minutes.

 Coarsely chop the fresh parsley you just picked from 

the garden while you're killing time.

Those of you with snow on the ground, yes, I DO realize I'm a jerk.

 Once the onions are tender, pull the baking dish out.

 Dump the shrimp in unceremoniously.

 Stir to coat.

 They'll start to cook almost immediately.

 Sprinkle on a couple tablespoons of bread crumbs, just for a little crunch,

and put the whole thing back in the oven for 10 to 12 minutes.

 When the shrimp are tightly curled and pink,

and the bread crumbs are toasted, you're done!

 Sprinkle with parsley, tent with foil to keep it warm, and let's go wrestle a couple of chickens.

 The chickens should be cool enough now to simply pull the cans out.

 

 Lay them down at this point.

 Butcher as usual.

 So, we have 2 entree selections, a rice side dish...

something's missing...

how about a gorgeous fruit salad?

This one's so good, everyone assumed it was dessert!

Fruit Salad with Honey Lemon Dressing

 1/3 cup of honey

1/3 cup of lemon juice

1 pint strawberries, sliced

1/2 cantaloupe, cubed

1 can of pineapple chunks in juice

 2 cans of Libby's Skinny Fruit Tropical Fruit Salad

 In a bowl, toss all of the fruit.

 In a small bowl, combine the honey and lemon juice until smooth.

 Pour the dressing over the fruit salad and toss.

(This is a good salad to add bananas too as well, since the lemon juice will

prevent them from turning!)

Now get this all on the table;

you're about to hook your guests on good behavior!

Pssssssst...

Guilt free dessert?

Try my Tropical Angel Food Cake!

The Hard Hearted Chef: Asparagus Salad

 Mother's Day, 2012.

Down 60 pounds to 160 as the hubs and I enjoyed Key West with

 Michael and Carolyn Reilly.

 I've dropped another 30 pounds since then,

but my cholesterol is still wayyyyyyy up there.

So how does a sybaritic beast such as myself get her health back on line?

We aren't about to give up a thing.

Just in time for Easter, have I got a salad for you...

 This fabulous low calorie, heart healthy recipe is a smack of indulgence

courtesy of Michael Reilly, my BFF and diet coach.

Try not to drool on the keyboard.

Asparagus Ribbon Salad
Ingredients:
• 1 bunch fresh asparagus
• 1/4 cup lemon juice
• 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
• Salt & fresh ground pepper to taste
• 2-3 oz shaved Parmesan cheese
• 1/4 cup sliced almonds - toasted
Preparation:
Lay one asparagus stalk on cutting board, hold by the base and using a
vegetable peeler make thin ribbons by "peeling" from base to tip. When
half-way through, turn stalk over and do the other half. Discard end and
center if too thick.
Blend lemon juice and olive oil; pour over asparagus in bowl. Add salt
& pepper, toss and taste. Adjust seasoning if needed.
Arrange salad on plate. Add shaved Parmesan and then top off with
toasted almonds.

Being healthy and happy is the best reward of all.

Always consult your doctor before starting any diet.

I have an English degree. I'll just correct your grammar.

Introducing: The Hard Hearted Chef

We'll get to the rest of the Easter Tabletop tomorrow,

but first, a ramble from our Redhead.

Okay.

I survived breast cancer.

Twice.

My house burning down.

Liver disease.

Had the gall bladder removed.

Went from 220 pounds to my new weight of 130.

And guess what?

 

My cholesterol is now through the roof.

 289.

Yeah... 

I gave up wine, and it shot up.

Anyone else enjoying the irony?

 So, my Besties, we're introducing a new cooking segment,

The Hard Hearted Chef.

Evidently, my diet needs a Rehab!

Lucky woman that I am, my BFF, Michael, has been a heart patient for years,
and has learned what to eat, how, and when.
My last couple of shopping trips have included mad texting advice,
and my pantry is slowly evolving.
Southern cooks like their butter, you know.

 

And I've learned that "fat free" is mostly a phrase that refers to weight loss,

 not actual FAT.
So my cooking is now planned in IM in the morning,
and Michael is making the same dish 1200 miles away.
This is Michael's Italian Veggie Stir Fry.
My family INHALED it!

Throw these in the cart:
1 eggplant
2 medium zucchini or summer squash
2 medium onions
8 oz mushrooms
2 cans of diced tomatoes with juice
2 tablespoons chopped garlic
1 teaspoon each of basil and oregano
1/2 cup dry red wine
Omega 3 Canola oil
Freshly grated Parmesan to taste
Brown rice or whole wheat fettuccine to serve it over

Finely chop the onion. Skin the eggplant, and cut the other veggies into bite sized chunks.

In a heavy saute pan on medium/high heat, coat the bottom lightly with oil.
Dump in the onions, garlic, and herbs, and saute five to seven minutes until
the onions start to soften.
Pour in the wine.
In the pan. NOT in you!
Well, okay, have a glass.

 

Add the eggplant, squash, and mushrooms, and saute for five minutes more,
until the eggplant starts to soften.

 Throw in the tomatoes, bring to a boil, and then turn the heat to low.

Simmer for 5 to 10 minutes more, and throw on some Italian music for dinner.
Light some candles.
Look at your grocery bill.
This fed 6 with second helpings for $8!

Serve over rice or pasta, or as a side dish just like this.
Sprinkle on just a touch of Parmesan.
If you tell NO ONE it's good for them, they will never know, I swear!
Nor will they know it took a half hour to get it to the table.
What they will know is damn, Mom knows how to cook!

Budget-, heart-, waistline-, schedule-, AND family-friendly,
this is nearly the perfect dinner.
Not to mention, this will keep you and me together for a long, long time.